All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“It’s always seemed a little preposterous that Hamlet, for all his paralyzing doubt about everything, never once doubts the reality of the ghost. Never questions his own madness might not in fact be unfeigned.”

“I love writing, but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, ‘You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, Giftless. I’m not your agent and I’m not your mommy: I’m a white piece of paper. You wanna dance with me?’ and I really, really don’t. I’ll go peaceable-like.”

“One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA.”

“Izzy, are you—” he began. His eyes flew wide, and he backed up fast enough to smack his head into the wall behind him. “What is he doing here?”Isabelle tugged her tank top back down and glared at her brother. “You don’t knock now?”“It—It’s my bedroom!” Alec spluttered. He seemed to be deliberately trying not to look at Izzy and Simon, who were indeed in a very compromising position. Simon rolled quickly off Isabelle, who sat up, brushing herself off as if for lint. Simon sat up more slowly, trying to hold the torn edges of his shirt together. “Why are all my clothes on the floor?” Alec said.“I was trying to find something for Simon to wear,” Isabelle explained. “Maureen put him in leather pants and a puffy shirt because he was being her romance-novel slave.”“He was being her what?”“Her romance-novel slave,” Isabelle repeated, as if Alec were being particularly dense.Alec shook his head as if he were having a bad dream. “You know what? Don’t explain. Just—put your clothes on, both of you.”

“I have never read The Joy of Crap. Sounds disgusting. I have, however, read The Joy of Sex. Not in a while, but I think it’s one of those classics you can come back to again… and again.”

“I feel an almost overwhelming interest in the methods of daylight abduction employed by the modern youth.”

“I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.”

“She’d met Colin on a Monday.She’d kissed him on a Friday.Twelve years later.She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic.”

“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”

“People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them.”

“I don’t understand how people canstand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They’re going crazy, screaming. They can’t take it that you’re there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn’t get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,and now, “He’s just adorable. He’s just, oh!”

“And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.”

“I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.”

“Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they’re the worst. ”

“Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement. ”