All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!”

“I can’t believe he didn’t have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter,” said Jace. “I must say, I’m disappointed in the little fellow.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass. (Butch) Said the SIG to the Glock. (V)”

“Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them.”

“Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots”

“Hmm…” Jason snapped his fingers. “I can call a friend for a ride.”Percy raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Me too. Let’s see whose friend gets here first.”

“I didn’t know a van could go up on two wheels like that, for so long.” -Nudge”

“The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.”

“Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny.”

“You can’t save everybody. In fact, there are days when I think you can’t save anyone. Each person has to save himself first, then you can move in and help. I have found this philosophy does not work during a gun battle, or a knife fight either. Outside of that it works just fine.”

“The door banged open, and Eve rushed out, flushed and mussed and still buttoning her shirt. ‘It’s not what you think,’ she said. ‘It was just—oh, okay, whatever, it was exactly what you think. Now, what?”

“Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.”

“When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you’ve created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed over British Rail sandwich?”

“Life’s greatest tragedy is not that it will someday end, but that most only live to follow directions and sometimes we end up totally lost.”

“Don’t blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there’s this new club called civilization and you guys should join.”