All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Now what state do you live in?”Denial.”

“I hugged him without any kind of fear or self-consciousness, fiercely, with a rush of emotion that almost brought tears to my eyes.”I could kiss you!” Chubs cried.”Please don’t!” I gasp out, feeling his arms tighten around my ribs to the point of cracking them.”

“Your stepfather? I’d like to meet him.”Oh no… why?”I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line.”Are you ashamed of me?””No!” It’s my turn to sound exasperated. “Introduce you to my dad as what? ‘This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship’. You’re not wearing running shoes.”

“I don’t like lollipops.”

“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.”

“Are you a female dog?””What?” Massie asked. “Why?””Because you are acting like a real bitch!”

“Graffiti is one of the few tools you have if you have almost nothing. And even if you don’t come up with a picture to cure world poverty you can make someone smile while they’re having a piss.”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, “Why me?”, then a voice answers “Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.”

“-BDB on the board-Knitter’s AnonimousMay 8, 2006Rhage (in his bedroom posting in V’s room on the board)Hi, my name is V.(“Hi, V”)I’ve been knitting for 125 years now.(*gasping noises*)It’s begun to impact my personal relationships: my brothers think I’m a nancy. It’s begun to affect my health: I’m getting a callus on my forefinger and I find bits of yarn in all my pockets and I’m starting to smell like wool. I can’t concentrate at work: I keep picturing all these lessers in Irish sweaters and thick socks.(*sounds of sympathy*)I’ve come seeking a community of people who, like me, are trying not to knit. Can you help me?(*We’re with you*)Thank you (*takes out hand-knitted hankie in pink*)(*sniffles*)(“We embrace you, V”)Vishous (in the pit): Oh hell no…you did not just put that up. And nice spelling in the title. Man…you just have to roll up on me, don’t you. I got four words for you, my brother.Rhage: Four words? Okay…lemme see… Rhage, you’re so sexy.hmmm….Rhage, you’re SO smart. No wait! Rhage, you’re SO right! That’s it, isn’t it…g’head. You can tell me. Vishous: First one starts with a “P”Use your head for the other three. Bastard.Rhage: P? Hmm… Please pass the yarnVishous: Payback is a bitch!Rhage: OhhhhhhhhhhhhI’m so scuuuuuurred. Can you whip me up a blanket to hide under?”

“He had heard about talking to plants in the early seventies, on Radio Four, and thought it was an excellent idea. Although talking is perhaps the wrong word for what Crowley did. What he did was put the fear of God into them. More precisely, the fear of Crowley. In addition to which, every couple of months Crowley would pick out a plant that was growing too slowly, or succumbing to leaf-wilt or browning, or just didn’t look quite as good as the others, and he would carry it around to all the other plants. “Say goodbye to your friend,” he’d say to them. “He just couldn’t cut it. . . ” Then he would leave the flat with the offending plant, and return an hour or so later with a large, empty flower pot, which he would leave somewhere conspicuously around the flat. The plants were the most luxurious, verdant, and beautiful in London. Also the most terrified.”

“I am Dead, but it’s not so bad. I’ve learned to live with it.”

“I’m the warlock who’s here to cure you. Didn’t they tell you I was coming?””I know who you are, but…” Maia looked dazed. “You look so…so…shiny.”

“In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!”

“One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious.”

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”