All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“I think I am, therefore, I am… I think.”

“We fatties have a bond, dude. It’s like a secret society. We got all kinds of shit you don’t know about. Handshakes, special fat people dances-we got these secret fugging lairs in the center of the earth and we go down there in the middle of the night when all the skinny kids are sleeping and eat cake and friend chicken and shit. Why d’you think Hollis is still sleeping, kafir? Because we were up all night in the secret lair injecting butter frosting into our veins. …A fatty trusts another fatty.”

“I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.”

“Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?” I’ll try to get one for each of us. Hey! ‘If’?”

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

“That’s chess!” snapped Ron. “You’ve got to make some sacrifices!”

“Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity.”

“molesting the vampire while he’s too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i’m pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords.”

“You’re thinking I’m one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I’m not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.”

“Harry and Hermione are very platonic friends. But I won’t answer for anyone else, nudge-nudge wink-wink!”

“If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you.”

“You’ve got no sense of humor.””I’m going to laugh really hard after I kick your ass.”

“I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.”

“I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed.”