All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection.” He paused to reconsider that. “Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try.” (Adrian)”

“A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.”

“When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle’s on a poodle and the poodle’s eating noodles……they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.”

“You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It’s really funny.”

“People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn’t.”

“It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense.”

“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”

“It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom.”

“I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)”

“People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.’If you didn’t know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you’d seen.They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the ‘mind adventures’ got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren’t unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.’So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, ‘The creature is regenerating itself.”

“No! Please! I’ll tell you whatever you want to know!” the man yelled. “Really?” said Vimes. “What’s the orbital velocity of the moon?””What?””Oh, you’d like something simpler?”

“Four flips the gun in this hand, presses the barrel to Peter’s forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth. “Wake. Up,” Four snaps. “You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it.”

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”

“The world is a stage and the play is badly cast.”

“It seemed weird calling a teenager ‘sir’ but I’d learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up.”