All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

“There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.”

“What the hell is that?” I laughed.”It’s my fox hat.””Your fox hat?””Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.””Why are you wearing your fox hat?” I asked.”Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”

“Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?”

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”

“Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?” asked Jace.”It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath.””As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome,” said Simon.”I knew we should have left you a rat.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?”

“It means ‘Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234’.”

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“Let us find the dam snack bar,” Zoe said. “We should eat while we can.”Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”Zoe blinked. “Yes. What is funny?””Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. “I could use some dam french fries.”Even Thalia smiled at that. “And I need to use the dam restroom.”…I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. “I do not understand.””I want to use the dam water fountain,” Grover said.”And…” Thalia tried to catch her breath. “I want to buy a dam t-shirt.”