All Quotes By Tag: Humor
“As soon as we got back I ran upstairs and told everyone the story, thus telling everyone the alarm code, thus breaking one of the Ten Commandments when I lied and said I’d keep the code a secret. As I’ve known for a long, long time now, hell is going to be totally fucking worth it.”
“I shouldn’t be surprised. Catholicism is the ultimate loophole religion (sin, confess, repeat), so it makes sense that a priest would know better than anyone how to work the angles. Still, when you go to confession and say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” you don’t expect him to say, “So, who hasn’t?”
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“But you’ve always used words so wordily in crafty defense of your Trinity, although He never needed such defense before you got Him from me as a Unity.”
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“That was rather interesting,’ Mercer said as he filled his coffee mug and passed the thermal carafe to John. ‘What do you say for dinner? “Blessed be the serial killers, or else the devil would have no one to torment.”
“Imagination is evidence of the divine, and the divine is the imagination of evidence.”
“I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.”
“It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.”
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“Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.”
“Writing in a new style never hurt anybody. Upside: if it does, you can write about it!”
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“A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.”
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“Writer’s Block is just an excuse by people who don’t write for not writing.”
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“Fact is just fiction with different storytellers”
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“I often think publishing a book is like doing a poo. Once it’s ready for the world, you have to relinquish that control and let nature take its course. A few will be impressed by your creation, others will be disgusted. Plus, no one will enjoy your success and achievement in producing it as much as you did.”
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“I’m 100% certain of the quality of story I’m writing until I finish the outline and actually begin to write. At this point, I’m 100% certain the story sucks and I will never show it to another living soul. Until I type “THE END.” At this point, I’m 50% certain it sucks, 50% certain it’s brilliant, and 100% certain if I don’t show it to someone I will spontaneously combust.”
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“I thought about writing the character as male, but then I would be forced to portray him as a woman in a man’s body.”
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