All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“And since I’m marrying into the Quartet, I have certain privileges and duties. If you’re sleeping with Laurel—”“I’m not sleeping with Laurel. We’re dating.”“Right, and the two of you are just going to hold hands, admire the moon, and sing camp songs.”“For a while. Minus the singing.”

“The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.”

“I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn.”

“I had a dream about you last night… you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally.”

“Alright, good night,” he said, his words a little slurred. “But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat.”

“Sure am glad I’m not royalty,” I muttered. “I wouldn’t want to have to bump uglies with someone I can’t stand. On a regular basis. And no one else.””Ow!” I exclaimed, trying to yank my fingers from Trent but finding them caught. Then I colored, realizing what I’d said. “Oh… sorry,” I stammered, meaning it. “That was insensitive.”Trent’s frown turned into a sly smirk. “Bump uglies?” he said, eyes on the table behind me. “You are a font of gutter slang, Rachel. We must do this again.”

“I have to go. I have a finite amount of life left and I don’t want to spend it arguing with you.”

“They (penguins) then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.-And so you ask yourself: “If a penguin can have a worthwhile, stimulating relationship, why the hell can’t I?”-Or maybe you ask yourself: “Would I be happier if I started dating a penguin”

“You’re walking funny,” Lucy said, a shit-eating grin on her face. Five days of out of this world sex with a starving man could do that to a girl.”You’re just jealous.” Brenna pushed through the door into DarkRiver’s business HQ.Lucy made a mournful face. “Yes, I am. Goddamn but your man is hot. And he smiles at you! I’ve seen him do it, even if no one believes me.”

“Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she’d been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain – so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn’t, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast.”

“I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.”

“Needy people are like newborns, I have come to realize. One intoxicated night and BAM! You are stuck with this problem. You finally take it home and it wants to keep you up all night and cries when it isn’t sucking on various parts of your anatomy. It wants you there for everything – rocking, feeding, burping, changing… It’s ridiculous. If I wanted a kid I would have one. Until then, grow the hell up and stand on your own two feet, you little crazy.”

“I had a dream about you last night.. You were playing with chicken livers and told me everyone was in quarantine.”

“I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple”

“I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead”