All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.”

“You’re probably wondering what’s going to happen to you. That’s easy. The same thing is going to happen to you that has happened to every other human being who has ever lived. You’re going to die. We all die. That’s just how it is.”

“Jehovah’s Witness are welcomed into my home…You gotta respect anybody who gets all dressed up in Sunday clothes and goes door-to-door on days so hot their high heels sink a half-inch into the pavement.The trick is to do all the talking yourself. Pretty soon, they’ll look at their watches and say, ‘Speaking of end times, wouldja look at what time it is now!”

“To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as “Thank God its Friday” (without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive “its” (no apostrophe) with the contractive “it’s” (with apostrophe) is an unequivocal signal of illiteracy and sets off a Pavlovian “kill” response in the average stickler.”

“That’s what being alive is, Thing! It’s being badly prepared for everything! Because you only get one chance, Thing!”

“Be With Me In The Phases Of My Work Because My Brain Feels Like It Has Been Whipped And I Yearn To Make A Small Perfect Thing Which Will Live In Your Morning Like Curious Static Through A President’s Elegy Or A Nude Hunchback Acquiring A Tan On The Crowded Oily Beach. ”

“I started out of course with Hemingway when I learned how to write. Until I realized Hemingway doesn’t have a sense of humor. He never has anything funny in his stories.”

“I was kind of excited to go to jail for the first time and I learnt some great dialogue.”

“It’s me,” a deep voice rumbled.The hands released me and I turned. There stood Derek, all six foot of him. Maybe it was just the thrill of seeing him, but he looked better than I remembered. His black hair was still lank, and his face was still dotted with acne. But he looked…better.~~~~~Tori waited until Derek was gone, then shuddered. “Okay, Derek always weired me out, but the wolf man stuff is seriously creepy. Suits him, I suppose. A creepy power for a creepy guy.””I thought he looked better.”She stared at me.”What? He does. Probably because he’s starting his wolf changes and he’s not stressed out about being in Lyle House. That must help.””You know what will really help? Shampoo. Deodorant – “I raised my hand to cut her off. “He smelled fine, so don’t start that. I’m sure his wearing deodorant and – for once-it’s working. As for showers, they’re a little hard to come by on the street, and we won’t look much better soon.””I’m just saying.””Do you think he doesn’t know you’re saying? News flash-he’s not stupid.”

“When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, “You think your dad’s a good chemist? They’re turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that?”

“Like a shot from a movie, the morning sun shone brilliantly around him like a god—his dark hair glinted warmly in the light, and his eyes gleamed bluer than the south Pacific Ocean.Taylor’s mind went blank. And suddenly, she couldn’t remember why the hell she ever had been angry with Jason Andrews.But then he spoke.”Sleeping in this morning, Ms. Donovan?” he drawled.Moment over.”

“You’ve got an awfully kissable mouth.”

“And I, Nephi, took one of the daughters of Ishmael to wife.’ Well Mr. Go-And-Do just went and did!”

“Yes, Bastille. I keep trying to get killed because it’s inconvenient for you.”

“Being a writer is 1% inspiration, 50% perspiration and 49% explaining you’re not a millionaire like J.K.Rowling.”