All Quotes By Tag: Satire

“Welcome to Hell. Here’s your accordion.”

“Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?”

“Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.”

“Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether they will suffer or make merry, laugh or shed tears. But in real life it is different. Most men and women are forced to perform parts for which they have no qualifications. Our Guildensterns play Hamlet for us, and our Hamlets have to jest like Prince Hal. The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”

“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?”

“The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.”

“Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy’s Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day’s work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city’s reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.”

“Invisible things are the only realities.”

“I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it.”(Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, May 16, 1767)”

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”

“This work was strictly voluntary, but any animal who absented himself from it would have his rations reduced by half.”

“He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.”