All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Tyler lies back and asks, “If Marilyn Monroe were alive right now, what would she be doing?”I say, goodnight.The headliner hangs down in shreds from the ceiling and Tyler says, “Clawing at the lid of her coffin.”

“Nozy Cat lifted one sleepy eyelid, and his marble blue eye glared at her for interrupting his sacred nap. He wore a yellow collar with little red stars printed on it. His second eyelid also opened, and he gave them his irritated blue-eyed glare.”

“The Prince found Buttercup waiting unhappily outside his chamber doors.It’s my letter,’ she began. ‘I cannot make it right.’Come in, come in,’ the Prince said gently. ‘Maybe we can help you.’ She sat down in the same chair as before. ‘All right, I’ll close my eyes and listen; read to me.’Westley, my passion, my sweet, my only my own. Come back, come back. I shall kill myself otherwise. Yours in torment, Buttercup.’ She looked at Humperdinck. ‘Well? Do you think I’m throwing myself at him?”

“The poor things keep calling in those – those pumbles, I think they’re called – you know, the ones who mend pipes and things – “”Plumbers?”” – exactly, yes, but of course they’re flummoxed.”

“Merlin’s beard.”

“To Garan’s credit, the treatment of Dellian prisoners did change after that. One particularly laconic man, after a session in which Fire learned positively nothing, thanked her for it specifically. “Best dungeons I ever been in,” he said, chewing on a toothpick.”Wonderful,” Garan grumbled when he had gone. “We’ll grow a reputation for our kindness to lawbreakers.”

“We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner.”

“Raise a smile and lower stress”

“His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.”

“I adore Wilkie Collins,” Tessa cried. “Oh—Armadale! And The Woman in White …Are you laughing at me?”“Not at you,” said Will, grinning, “more because of you. I’ve never seen anyone get soexcited over books before. You’d think they were diamonds.”“Well, they are, aren’t they? Isn’t there anything you love like that? And don’t say ‘spats’ or ‘lawn tennis’ or something silly.”“Good Lord,” he said with mock horror, “it’s like she knows me already.”

“There’s a Polar BearIn our Frigidaire–He likes it ’cause it’s cold in there.With his seat in the meatAnd his face in the fishAnd his big hairy pawsIn the buttery dish,He’s nibbling the noodles,And munching the rice,He’s slurping the soda,He’s licking the ice.And he lets out a roarIf you open the door.And it gives me a scareTo know he’s in there–That Polary BearIn our Fridgitydaire.”

“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

“Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks.”

“On a fundamental level, I am someone who would throw sand at children.”

“I am ever a gentle maiden,” she shouted. “Damn if I’m not.”