All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.”

“So. You get handed a holy sword by an archangel, told to go fight the forces of evil, and you somehow remain an atheist. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Caring about someone isn’t complicated. It isn’t easy. But it isn’t complicated, either. Kinda like lifting the engine block out of a car.”

“Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.”

“Why hasn’t anyone killed him yet?”“Dumb luck,” Wit said. “In that I’m lucky you’re all so dumb.”

“Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!”

“Breeze strolled over to the table and chose a seat with his characteristic decorum. The portly man raised his dueling cane, pointing it at Ham. ‘I see that my period of intellectual respite has come to an end.’Ham smiled. ‘I thought up a couple beastly questions while I was gone, and I’ve been saving them just for you, Breeze.”I’m dying of anticipation,’ Breeze said. He turned his cane toward Lestibournes. ‘Spook, drink.’Spook rushed over and fetched Breeze a cup of wine.’He’s such a fine lad,’ Breeze noted, accepting the drink. ‘I barely even have to nudge him Allomantically. If only the rest of you ruffians were so accommodating.’Spook frowned. ‘Niceing the not on the playing without.”I have no idea what you just said, child,’ Breeze said. ‘So I’m simply going to pretend it was coherent, then move on.’Kelsier rolled his eyes. ‘Losing the stress on the nip,’ he said. ‘Notting without the needing of care.”Riding the rile of the rids to the right,’ Spook said with a nod.’What are you two babbling about?’ Breeze said testily.’Wasing the was of brightness,’ Spook said. ‘Nip the having of wishing of this.”Ever wasing the doing of this,’ Kelsier agreed.’Ever wasing the wish of having the have,’ Ham added with a smile. ‘Brighting the wish of wasing the not.’Breeze turned to Dockson with exasperation. ‘I believe our companions have finally lost their minds, dear friend.’Dockson shrugged. Then, with a perfectly straight face, he said, ‘Wasing not of wasing is.”

“It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between “literally” and “figuratively.” If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it is happening. If you are literally jumping for joy, for instance, it means you are leaping in the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy that you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters.”

“I’ve never stunned anyone except in our D.A. lessons,” said Luna, sounding mildly interested. “That was noisier than I thought it would be.”

“Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It’s my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she… Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school’s so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.”

“CONJUGATE THIS:I cut class, you cut class, he, she, it cuts class. We cut class, they cut class. We all cut class. I cannot say this in Spanish because I did not go to Spanish today. Gracias a dios. Hasta luego.”

“What ho!” I said.”What ho!” said Motty.”What ho! What ho!””What ho! What ho! What ho!”After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.”

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for.”

“A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.”

“Haven’t you ever heard that modesty is an attractive trait?””Only from ugly people,” Jace confided. “The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.” He winked at the girls, who giggled and hid behind their hair.”