All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“See? Injustice. Here we are, risking our lives to rescue Kai and this whole planet, and Adri and Pearl get to go to the royal wedding. I’m disgusted. I hope they spill soy sauce on their fancy dresses.”Jacin’s concern turned fast to annoyance. “Your ship has some messed-up priorities, you know that?”“Iko. My name is Iko. If you don’t stop calling me the ‘ship,’ I am going to make sure you never have hot water during your showers again, do you understand me?”“Yeah, hold that thought while I go disable the speaker system.”“What? You can’t mute me. Cinder!”

“To answer your question, you want me because I’m made of awesome.”

“I’m not going to die, I’m going home like a shooting star.”

“Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn’t I choose the lesser good?”

“The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.”

“I get it,’ said the prisoner. ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?’If you like.’ said Vimes. ‘But we’re a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?”

“But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship they perceive to be a normal part of living. And someone needs to take the fall for this. So instead of blaming no one for this (which is kind of cowardly) or blaming everyone (which is kind of meaningless), I’m going to blame John Cusack.”

“Fall off your own roof.”

“Well sure, who doesn’t need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.”

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

“Don’t panic. Are you sitting? You probably don’t need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something.”

“If it weren’t for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.”

“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I’m cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.”

“We’re being lead by an idiot with a crayon.”

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him will believeth in anything. – Hitchens 3:16”