All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“You so need to lighten up about that potato-launcher incident,” Butch said.Phury rolled his eyes and eased back in the banquette. “You broke my window.””Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it.””Twice.””Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen.”

“when you’re not looking, somebody’ll sneak up and write “Fuck you” right under your nose.”

“By the Angel,” Jace said, looking the demon up and down. “I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell.”Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth.”I’m not sure about this wind and howling darkness business,” Jace went on, “smells more like landfill to me. You sure you’re not from Staten Island?”

“My mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either “yes” or “help”.Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions.Finally he stepped forward.”Hi, I’m Paul Blofis.”Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.”Blowfish, did you say?””Ah, no. Blofis, actually.””Oh, I see,” Poseidon said. “A shame. I quite like blowfish. I am Poseidon.””Poseidon? That’s an interesting name.””Yes, I like it. I’ve gone by other names, but I do prefer Poseidon.””Like the god of the sea.””Very much like that, yes””Well!” My mother interrupted. “Um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy’s father.””Ah.” Paul nodded, though he didn’t look real pleased. “I see.”Poseidon smiled at me. “There you are, my boy. And Tyson, hello, son!””Daddy!” Tyson [shouted]…Paul’s jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. “Tyson is…””Not mine,” she promised. “It’s a long story.”

“I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn’t hate people who watched or played them.”

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.”

“Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor, and he smells like windex.””At least you know he’s still available.”

“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.”

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”

“Lawful good to lawful evil!” said Simon, pleased.”He’s quoting Dungeons and Dragons,” said Clary. “Ignore him.”

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”

“Jace’s eyes sparkled, but he said calmly, “Not at all. the Silent Brothers can help her retrieve her memories.””You hate the Silent Brothers,” protested Isabelle.”I don’t hate them,” said Jace candidly.”I’m afraid of them. It’s not the same thing.””I thought you said they were libarians,” said Clary.”They are librarians.”Simon whistled. “Those must be some killer late fees.”

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

“I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”