All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“She’s the sort of woman who lives for others – you can tell the others by their hunted expression.”

“You are speaking of my future lover. Be more respectful.”

“Well, that’s your opinion, isn’t it? And I’m not about to waste my time trying to change it.”

“The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.”

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

“I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”

“Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)”

“Let’s carpe the hell out of this diem.”

“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”

“I’ve got the Mark of Cain,” said Simon. “That means nothing can kill me, right?””You can kill yourself,” Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. “As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn’t.””There goes my Saturday.”

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”

“Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. “You really don’t get this bodyguard thing, do you?””I didn’t even think you liked me all that much,” said Simon. “Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?””I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy’s house a night and throw up in his mailbox.””I’m pretty sure that’s not it”

“Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.”

“I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn’t exist anymore.”