All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I think a man’s “wordplay” can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!”

“That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are a feast for the senses.” I laughed. “I don’t know about a feast. Maybe just an hors d’oeuvre.” He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. “Not an hors d’oeuvre. The dessert. And I plan to spoil my appetite.”

“There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do realize these people aren’t vampires, right?” I say when Sam walks back in. “Yeah, but you never know. They’re probably crazy, like you said.” “And even if we were hunting vampires, what the hell is the Silly Putty for?” He shrugs. “Just want to be prepared.”

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”

“Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. “I doubt you have the capacity.”

“The shortest distance between two people is a smile.”

“And in what fairy tale would John ever be any sane person’s idea of Prince Charming anyway? He was the opposite of charming. More like Prince Terrifying.”

“Once again, I’ve been thwarted by the massive difference between my vision of the successful me and the me I’m currently stuck with.”

“I looked to the ceiling and told God, “God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.”

“My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.”

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

“ “Don’t be scared of Bambi” the demon said. “She’s only curious and maybe a little bit hungry.”The thing was named Bambi?Oh, my God, the thing stared at me like it wanted to eat me.”

“Harry,” Bob drawled, his eye lights flickering smugly, “what you know about women, I could juggle.”

“Of all the crap, crap, crappy nights I’ve ever had in the whole of my crap life. On a scale of one to 10, we’re talking…a minus 6. And it’s not like I even have very high standards.”

“I’m the terrorist, do what I say or I’ll terrorize you.”