All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.”

“‎No people whose word for ‘yesterday’ is the same as their word for ‘tomorrow’ can be said to have a firm grip on the time.”

“If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be …”

“This paper, by its very length, defends itself from ever being read.”

“Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say no when they mean yes, and drive a man out of his wits just for the fun of it.–Laurie”

“Cause I’m Irish, and everyone remembers me.”

“Hush Hattie!” I said, intoxicated with my success. “I don’t want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan’t marry the prince.” I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out into the night, “I shan’t marry the prince.” I turned back into the hall and ran to Char and threw my arms about his neck. “I shan’t marry you.” I kissed his cheek. He was safe from me.”

“I have a terrible memory; I never forget a thing.”

“Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?”

“This is so cool,” I said loudly as Dad walked away. “Have you met the tattoo artist? Is he hot?” “He’s a she,” Mom said. “Is she hot? Cause I’m still young, you know. My sexual identity isnt fully formed.” “Your father can’t hear you anymore, Maya.” Mom sighed.”

“What? It’s not my blood!”“Let me see it,” Julian demanded, and a moment later there were sounds of a scuffle from the back seat.“I am AB positive and this is distinctly type O blood!” Ty finally shouted at him. “Look at the little Os!”

“Two things that matter to me. Emotional resonance and rocket launchers.”

“Um,” Doc said in a mild voice, “medically speaking, I’m not sure that was the most helpful thing for his condition.””But I feel better,” Jared answered, sullen.Doc smiled the tiniest smile. “Well, maybe a few more minutes of unconsciousness won’t kill him.”

“I’ve seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.”

“I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there’s nothin’ like it. It’s a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you’re thinking. ‘Aw, he’s a comedian. He’s just sayin’ that stuff.’ Good. That’s exactly what I want you to think.”