All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.”

“When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.”

“I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this garbage?’ And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

“Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.”

“If I was made of cake I’d eat myself before somebody else could.”

“Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.”

“I never met a man that I didn’t like.”

“Enormous? Did you just call me FAT? I am not fat. – Jace”

“The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.”

“Ride?” Rhage snorted. “Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop.”When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers. “What.” Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. “I can laugh, you know. And that’s . . . pretty damn funny.” Rhage beamed. “I knew I liked you.”

“A word to the wise is infuriating. ”

“There’s only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and foget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it’s actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity.”

“She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”

“Must be weird for you, having your mom here.””Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.””Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.””Cal,” I said with mock astonishment, “did you just make a joke?””Maybe.”

“Saphira waved her tail, the tip whistling loudly. “I’m not asking you to. However, if we attack first, we may gain the advantage.” “Have you gone crazy? They’ll…” Eragon’s voice trailed off as he thought about it. “They won’t be able to do a thing.” “Exactly,” said Saphira. “We can inflict lots of damage from a safe height.” “Let’s drop rocks on them!”