All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.”

“Astriola. That IS demon pox. You had evidence that demon pox existed and you didnt mention it to me! Et tu, Brute!’ He rolled up the paper and hit Jem over the head with it.”

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

“Invisible things are the only realities.”

“The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines.”

“A passport, as I’m sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.”

“By all means continue destroying my possessions. I daresay I have too many.”

“What happened to your tan?”–Fang”It was dirt.” –Max”

“The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they’ve found it.”

“A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.”

“If you drink much from a bottle marked ‘poison’ it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.”

“He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

“I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

“For some stories, it’s easy. The moral of ‘The Three Bears,’ for instance, is “Never break into someone else’s house.’ The moral of ‘Snow White’ is ‘Never eat apples.’ The moral of World War I is ‘Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”