All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.”

“I hear your insults and plan to silence them with my victory.”

“I named my dog Stay, so I can say, ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!”

“Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.”

“Why, aren’t you just about as sweet as syrup on a sundae? I sure would appreciate that, ma’am.” He winked. “How’d you like ta stroll the deck of this fine ship with me and watch the sunset? I need a purty girl to put her arm around me and steady this bow-legged cowboy as he finds his sea legs.” I raised an eyebrow and affected a southern accent. “Why, I think you’re a pullin’ my leg there, Texas. You’ve had your sea legs a lot longer than I have.” He rubbed the stubble on his face. “You might be right at that. Well then, how about you taggin’ along to keep me warm?” “It’s about eighty degrees.” “Shoot, you’re a smart one, you are. Then how ‘bout I jes say that a feller can get pretty lonesome by hisself in a strange country and he’d like to keep compn’y with you fer a while longer.”

“You are all a lost generation,” Gertrude Stein said to Hemingway. We weren’t lost. We knew where we were, all right, but we wouldn’t go home. Ours was the generation that stayed up all night.”

“You do realise modern social mores exist for a reason?””I was hungry, allowances should be made.”

“Now we’re going to save a bunch of dirty meatsacks from a bunch of dirty cannibals? Why don’t we rescue some orphaned kittens and put food out for stray puppies while we’re at it?”

“If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.”

“Who knows what goes on in the mind of a cat?”

“She accused me of wearing pants from the salvation army.””Rose, your pants ARE from the salvation army.””That’s SO not the point!”

“Are you okay? You seem …soggy.””Soggy?””Yes.” Heather nodded. “Like you’re a depressed spaghetti noodle or something.”

“No one can be right all the time, but it helps to be right most of the time. ”

“Michael has never cried during a Broadway show. Except in that scene where Tarzan’s ape father is brutally murdered.And that was only because he was laughing so hard.”

“It was one thing to snuggle a little when the world seemed about to end, and quite another to explain to her parents that she wanted to date an ancient magical horse.”