All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“We are gods with anuses.”

“A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn’t belong in a smart people’s club.”

“After the satyrs filed in to dinner, the Hermes cabin brought up the rear. They were always the biggest cabin. Last summer it had been led by Luke, the guy who fought with Thalia and Annabeth on top of Half-Blood Hill. For a while, before Poseidon had claimed me, I’d lodged in the Hermes cabin. Luke had befriended me…and then he’d tried to kill me.”

“The ill-informed masses included her own family among their ranks, a family that specialized in being both inconvenient and asinine.”

“The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.”

“Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, “You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.”

“Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, ‘Don’t abuse me like your parents abuse you!’ Then call children’s services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you’re worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.”

“Why do humans never do as they’re told? Someone should replace you all with robots. No, on second though, they shouldn’t, bad idea.”

“Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie.”

“I hear your insults and plan to silence them with my victory.”

“I named my dog Stay, so I can say, ‘Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!”

“Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.”

“It is often argued that religion is valuable because it makes men good, but even if this were true it would not be a proof that religion is true. That would be an extension of pragmatism beyond endurance. Santa Claus makes children good in precisely the same way, and yet no one would argue seriously that the fact proves his existence. The defense of religion is full of such logical imbecilities. The theologians, taking one with another, are adept logicians, but every now and then they have to resort to sophistries so obvious that their whole case takes on an air of the ridiculous. Even the most logical religion starts out with patently false assumptions. It is often argued in support of this or that one that men are so devoted to it that they are willing to die for it. That, of course, is as silly as the Santa Claus proof. Other men are just as devoted to manifestly false religions, and just as willing to die for them. Every theologian spends a large part of his time and energy trying to prove that religions for which multitudes of honest men have fought and died are false, wicked, and against God.”

“I would love to slap you right now, but I’m currently wielding a nine pound ball and I’m afraid that would be called murder.”

“Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.”