All Quotes By Tag: Funny

“Headline?” he asked.”‘Swing Set Needs Home,'” I said.”‘Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'” he said.”‘Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'” I said.”

“I’m going to wake Peeta,” I say.”No, wait,” says Finnick. “Let’s do it together. Put our faces right in front of his.”Well, there’s so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. “Peeta. Peeta, wake up,” I say in a soft, singsong voice.His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we’ve stabbed him. “Aa!”Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta’s attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.”

“I thought I’d lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while,” he grunted, “It relaxes me.””It does? Oh – you’re being sarcastic. That’s a good sign probably.”

“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

“What the hell is that?” I laughed.”It’s my fox hat.””Your fox hat?””Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.””Why are you wearing your fox hat?” I asked.”Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.”

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“The cord pulled taut and she rebounded, flying back up before falling again. As her velocity slowed, she opened her eyes and found herself dangling at the end of the cord, about five feet above Jace. He was grinning. “Nice,” he said. “As graceful as a falling snowflake.””Was I screaming?” She asked, genuinely curious. “You know, on the way down.”He nodded. “Thankfully no one’s home, or they would have assumed I was murdering you.””Ha. You can’t even reach me.” She kicked out a leg and spun lazily in midair. Jace’s eyes glinted. “Want to bet?”Clary knew that expression. “No,” she said quickly. “Whatever you’re going to do-“But he’d already done it. When Jace moved fast, his individual movements were almost invisible. She saw his hand go to his belt, and then something flashed in the air. She heard the sound of parting fabric as the cord above her head was sheared through. Released, she fell freely, too surprised to scream- directly into Jace’s arms. The force knocked him backward, and they sprawled together onto one of the padded floor mats, Clary on top of him. He grinned up at her.”Now,” he said, “that was much better. You didn’t scream at all.””I didn’t get the chance.” She was breathless, and not just from the impact of the fall. Being sprawled on top of Jace, feeling his body against hers, made her hands shake and her heart beat faster.”

“Two seconds later, the sound of an alarm filled my ears. ”What did you do?” I said over the noise as he backed up towards the bathroom door. ”The girl who gave you the note?””Yes…””I caught her staring at my lighter.”I blinked. ”You gave a child, in a psych ward , a lighter?”His eyes crinkled at the corners. ”She seemed trustworthy.””You’re sick,” I said, but smiled.”Hey, nobody’s perfect. ” Noah smiled back.”

“Our lips met hungrily, and his clever artistic hands wrapped around my hips. A sudden buzz from my regular cell phone startled me from the kissing.”Don’t,” said Adrian, his eyes ablaze and breathing ragged.”What if there’s a crisis at school?” I asked. “What if Angeline ‘accidentally’ stole one of the campus buses and drove it into the library?””Why would she do that?””Are you saying she wouldn’t?”He sighed. “Go check it.”

“Nice costume,” he said. “Ditto. I can tell you put a lot of thought into yours.”Amusement curled his mouth. “If you don’t like it, I can take it off.”

“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
”

“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”