All Quotes By Tag: Funny
“And now,” Eric yelled into his mircophone, “we’re going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one’s for my girlfriend. We’ve been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We’re gonna be together forever, baby. This one’s called ‘Bang You Like a Drum.”
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“I will never deny that life isn’t fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.”
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“I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald.”
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“I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn’t notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.”
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“It’s funny. No matter how hard you try, you can’t close your heart forever. And the minute you open it up, you never know what’s going to come in. But when it does, you just have to go for it! Because if you don’t, there’s not point in being here.”
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“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. ”
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“I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.”
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“I suppose it’s not a social norm, and not a manly thing to do — to feel, discuss feelings. So that’s what I’m giving the finger to. Social norms and stuff…what good are social norms, really? I think all they do is project a limited and harmful image of people. It thus impedes a broader social acceptance of what someone, or a group of people, might actually be like.”
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“I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all.”
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“I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed. ”
“Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.”
“Please, touch me, I pray.”
“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. ”
“I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.”