All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Heifer.”“Rich man’s whore!”“At least mine can cook the food he eats. And replaces it, too.”“Now see, Dee-Ann Smith. That was just mean!”

“I mean to say, I know perfectly well that I’ve got, roughly speaking, half the amount of brain a normal bloke ought to possess. And when a girl comes along who has about twice the regular allowance, she too often makes a bee line for me with the love light in her eyes. I don’t know how to account for it, but it is so.””It may be Nature’s provision for maintaining the balance of the species, sir.”

“A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, “How to Build a Boat.”

“Don’t be stupid, it’s a flying house!”

“He was a writer and words were his weapons.”

“Mr. McGregor’s a nasty piece of work, isn’t he? Quite the Darth Vader of children’s literature.”

“It was beautiful in a harsh I’m-going-to-gut-you-like-a-fish kind of way.”

“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”

“However, because they have no actual interests of their own (or if they do, they squelch them in order to fit in) and merely pursue those that they think will look best on their college apps, they’re zombies.”

“Madame Bellwings, Memoir Elf Coordinator, was not at all pleased with this request, because elves who write the memoirs of teenage girls have the habit of returning to the magical realm with atrocious grammar. They can’t seem to shake the phrases “watever” and “no way,” and they insert the word like into so many sentences that the other elves start slapping them…and for no apparent reason occasionally call out the name Edward Cullen.”

“You weren’t afraid of me when I was Wolf,” he said. “Why are you afraid of Nathan?””He’s got big feet!””What?”An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears.”

“When did you become a woman?”-HatoriHow dare you ask that after you have seen me naked so many times…”-YukiGASP! No it cant be! Yuki-kun, does that mean…” fan club girlsNO! He’s my doctor…”Yuki”

“She blew out a breath between gritted teeth. “Sometimes I really want to”—a frustrated sound—“bite you!” He froze. “I might let you.” “I won’t do it if you’d enjoy it.”

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? ”