All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Anthony looked down at his evil clutches — hands, he reminded himself, hands — and grinned anew.”

“I sheathed my blade and glared at him. “And here I almost thought you weren’t a complete bastard.””Well, that’s your mistake, not mine.”

“Who cares even if I didn’t?!” Conor shouted back. “They’re just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!”The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise.”

“How can such scary looking parents create something so cute?”

“I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and–regardless of their political or cultural differences–accuse each other of cheating.”

“I see you’re a man with ideals. I better be going before you’ve still got them.”

“I’m not stubborn. My way is just better.”

“By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.”

“I’m so pretty, it’s hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.”

“What a strange family you are! Is your name Lettie too?”

“Why couldn’t you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!”

“I’ve tried to get the angel to watch MTV so I can learn the vocabulary of your music, but even with the gift of tongues, I’m having trouble learning to speak hip-hop. Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone’s ass? Is “ho” always feminine, and “muthafucka” always masculine, while “bitch” can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just be “stupid”? I’ll not be singing over any dead mothers until I understand.”

“Do you sleep naked?”

“But that was life: Nobody got a guided tour to their own theme park. You had to hop on the rides as they presented themselves, never knowing whether you would like the one you were in line for…or if the bastard was going to make you throw up your corn dog and your cotton candy all over the place.”

“You don’t happen to have a thousand dollars I can borrow?” “I don’t have five you can borrow. My piggy bank is officialy anorexic.”