All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the world that it is likely that you are always in the dark about one thing or another, whether you are in the dark in the dark or in the dark not in the dark, although the sun can go down so quickly that you may be in the in the dark about being in the dark, only to look around and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark, but in the dark in the dark nontheless, not only because of the dark, but because of the ballerinas in the dark, who are not in the dark about the dark, but also not in the dark about the locked cabinet, and you may be in the dark about the ballerinas digging up the locked cabinet in the dark, even though you are no longer in the dark about being in the dark, and so you are in fact in the dark about being in the dark, even though you are not in the dark about being in the dark, and so you may fall into the hole that the ballerinas have dug, which is dark, in the dark, and in the park. ”

“You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.”

“You can knock on a deaf man’s door forever.”

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”

“No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time.”

“Close your eyes and picture it. Can you see it?”I nod, eyes closed.”Imagine it right there before you. See its texture, shape, and color—got it?”I smile, holding the image in my head.”Good. Now reach out and touch it. Feel its contours with the tips of your fingers, cradle its weight in the palms of your hands, then combine all of your senses—sight, touch, smell, taste—can you taste it?”I bite my lip and suppress a giggle.”Perfect. Now combine that with feeling. Believe it exists right before you. Feel it, see it, touch it, taste it, accept it, manifest it!” he says.So I do. I do all of those things. And when he groans, I open my eyes to see for myself.”Ever.” He shakes his head. “You were supposed to think of an orange. This isn’t even close.””Nope, nothing fruity about him.” I laugh, smiling ateach of my Damens—the replica I manifested before me, and the flesh and blood version beside me. Both of them equally tall, dark, and so devastatingly handsome they hardly seem real.”

“I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.”

“I’m fine, Mom. Thanks for asking.”…“Of course you’re fine.” She keeps walking. “You’re the devil’s bride and these are his creatures.”…“I’m not the devil’s bride.” “He carried you out of the fire and is letting you visit us from the dead. Who else would have those privileges except his bride?”

“It was a lame excuse, and I knew that wasn’t the reason he was canceling. If he wanted to avoid me, I would have preferred he made up something about how he and the other guardians had to up Moroi security or practice top-secret ninja moves.”

“The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.”

“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.”

“What makes you think that Valentine’s change of plans had anything to do with your brother?” “Because only Jace can piss someone off that much.”

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

“Do you know people who insist they like ‘all kinds of music’? That actually means they like no kinds of music.”

“The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.”