All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“That’s kind of a leap, but the Russian judge gave you a nine point five for style, so okay.”

“I’m fine, Mom. Thanks for asking.”…“Of course you’re fine.” She keeps walking. “You’re the devil’s bride and these are his creatures.”…“I’m not the devil’s bride.” “He carried you out of the fire and is letting you visit us from the dead. Who else would have those privileges except his bride?”

“Come on guys, you cant fight like this forever””Actually,” Simon said, raising his hand,”I can”.Jace made a weird noise and I realized he was trying not to laugh-which by the way, wasn’t working.”

“I wish someone had just told me the truth right up front, as soon as I was old enough to understand it. I wish someone had just said: “Here’s the deal, Wade. You’re something called a ‘human being.’ That’s a really smart kind of animal. Like every other animal on this planet, we’re descended from a single-celled organism that lived millions of years ago. This happened by a process called evolution, and you’ll learn more about it But trust me, that’s really how we all got here. There’s proof of it everywhere, buried in the rocks. That story you heard? About how we were all created by a super-powerful dude named God who lives up in the sky? Total bullshit. The whole God thing is actually an ancient fairy tale that people have been telling one another for thousands of years. We made it all up. Like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. “Oh, and by the way … there’s no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. Also bullshit. Sorry, kid Deal with it.”

“His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing.”

“if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn’t there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That’s why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones.”

“People usually asked her if she had a belly button. Of course she had a belly button. She couldn’t explain how. She didn’t really want to know.”

“It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”

“No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I’ve ever seen – wet and half naked. And I said, “Ewww.”I know. How am I still single, right?”

“I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.”

“We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”

“Yes, we’ll yell, ‘Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese’.”

“He gazed amusedly down the table at Tessa. “You’re the shape-changer, aren’t you?” he said. “Magnus Bane told me about you. No mark on you at all, they say.” Tessa swallowed and looked him straight in the eye. They were discordantly human eyes, ordinary in his extraordinary face. “No. No mark.” He grinned around his fork. “I do suppose they’ve looked everywhere?” “I’m sure Will’s tried,” said Jessamine in a bored tone.”

“You’re getting into some kind of shape, cop.”Aw, come on, now.” Butch grinned. “Don’t let that shower we took go to your head.”Rhage fired a towel at the male. “Just pointing out your beer gut’s gone.”It was a Scotch pot. And I don’t miss it.”

“Did someone just call me the wine dude?” he asked in a lazy drawl. “It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus.”