All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Ankh-Morpork is a godless city–”I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?’ said Maladict.Strappi stared at him in rage that was incoherent until he managed to touch bottom again. ‘Ankh-Morpork is a godawful city’, he recovered.”

“…Opal is dead, and I don’t see how a healer can change that! It’s not something to joke about.”Joke?” Then Owen hit his forehead and cried, “That’s right, you haven’t heard!”Heard what?” asked Adrien, who felt an insane glimmer of hope return to his heart.Death is on strike! She hasn’t done that for two centuries, and it’s very annoying. Your friend is alive.”Very annoying?” repeated Amber. “I don’t see what’s so annoying about a miracle! What is Death on strike for?”Everyone knows that Death lives in Fairytale-in an inaccessible area, obviously. And just a few hours ago, she decided to stop working. So, for now, no one can die.”

“I would have stolen it for you, had I known you were interested.” His voice was muffled by the door to the lumber room down the hallway, and I heard thumps and a crash.I raised my voice a trifle more than mere volume required. “I’m interested because she was. Both of them, come to that–Damian’s art is infused with mystic symbols and traditions.”Holmes’ voice answered two inches away from my ear, making me jerk and spray a handful of maps across the floor. “Religion can be a dangerous thing, it is true,” he remarked darkly, and went out again.”

“You’re taller than I am, but I’m stronger, and meaner right this minute than you could ever imagine” – Lady Madelyne.”

“… in spite of being happier than I ever dreamed I could be, I’m also soberer. The fear that something may happen to you rests like a shadow on my heart. Always before I could be frivolous and carefree and unconcerned, because I had nothing precious to lose. But now — I shall have a Great Big Worry all the rest of my life. Whenever you are away from me I shall be thinking of all the automobiles that can run over you, or the signboards that can fall on your head or the dreadful, squirmy germs that you may be swallowing.”

“Nobody with any real sense of humor *can* write a love story. . . . Shakespeare is the exception that proves the rule. (90-91)”

“If you don’t want to tear off the clothes of the person you’re on a date with and jump into bed with them, then what’s the point? I’d never date; instead, I’d have lots of good friends and hug them a lot and life would be easier and neater and uncomplicated.”

“I can’t do anything to death, doctor’s orders.”

“Once you realize that the vast majority of people see and know very little, you will rarely be affected when someone speaks ill or well of you.”

“Nobody think about that broken heart… life goes on, broken heart never join together but it tries very hard to get joined again. That;swhy may be it said “Heart is like a mirror, if its broken can never be joined.”

“contemporary poetry is a kind of Reykjavik, a place where accessibility and intelligence have been fighting a Cold War by proxy for the last half-century. ”

“He loved her all he could; but he couldn’t love her very much.”

“I paid you five thousand instead and promised the balance only if you made the match. As it turns out, this is your lucky day because I’ve decided to write you the full check, whether the match comes from you or from Portia. As long as I have a wife and you’ve been part of the process, you’ll get your money.” He toasted her with his beer mug. “Congratulations.”She put down her fork. “Why would you do that?””Because it’s efficient.””Not as efficient as having Powers handle her own introductions. You’re paying her a fortune to do exactly that.””I’d rather have you.”Her pulse kicked. “Why?”He gave her the melty smile he must have been practicing since the cradle, one that made her feel as though she was the only woman in the world. “Because you’re easier to bully. Do we have a deal or not?””You don’t want a matchmaker. You want a lackey.””Semantics. My hours are erratic, and my schedule changes without warning. It’ll be your job to cope with all that. You’ll soothe ruffled feathers when I need to cancel at the last minute. You’ll keep my dates company when I’m going to be late, entertain them if I have to take a call. If things are going well, you’ll disappear. If not, you’ll make the woman disappear. I told you before. I work hard at my job. I don’t want to have to work hard at this, too.””Basically, you expect me to find your bride, court her, and hand her over at the altar. Or do I have to come on the honeymoon, too?””Definitely not.” He gave her a lazy smile. “I can take care of that all by myself.”

“Life sure is easier when you’re rich.””And a natural born charmer. Don’t forget that part.””How could I?” she retorted. “It’s the only thing we have in common.”

“If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?”