All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.”

“WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).”

“She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.”

“It’s just that in the Deep South, women learn at a young age that when the world is falling apart around you, it’s time to take down the drapes and make a new dress.”

“Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.”

“She held up her calloused, grimy fingers. Leo couldn’t help thinking there was nothing hotter than a girl who didn’t mind getting her hands dirty. But of course, that was just a general comment. Didn’t apply to Calypso. Obviously.”

“Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.”

“You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that’s how it’s spelled.”

“Laughter is carbonated holiness.”

“You know what I can’t understand? You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and all that, I mean endlessly, I’ve been telling you for years. So why don’t you believe it? why do you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it’s a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you?”

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!”

“And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn’t.”

“I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.”

“Can’t you just like a girl who likes you back?”None of them likes me back. I may as well like the one I really want.”

“Every morning when I wake up, I experience an exquisite joy —the joy of being Salvador Dalí— and I ask myself in rapture: What wonderful things is this Salvador Dalí going to accomplish today?”