All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Oh no. Don’t smile. You’ll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile.”

“Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

“I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”

“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”

“I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.”

“Just because you’re beautiful and perfect, it’s made you conceited.”

“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.”

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”

“Some people have lives; some people have music.”

“Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.”

“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”

“Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money!”

“And next time you’re planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.”

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”