All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“It’s important to have your private enjoyments because sometimes that’s all we have.”

“Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing”

“Writer’s block is just a symptom of feeling like you have nothing to say, combined with the rather weird idea that you should feel the need to say something. Why? If you have something to say, then say it. If not, enjoy the silence while it lasts. The noise will return soon enough.”

“Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.-‘Rhett ”

“Swearing on the Bible, you understand that shit? They tell you to raise your right hand and put your left hand on the Bible. Does this stuff really matter, which hand? Does God really give a fuck about details like this? Suppose you put your right hand on the Bible and you raise your left hand. Would that count? Or would God say, ‘Sorry, wrong hand, try again’? And why does one hand have to be raised? […] But let’s get back to the Bible, America’s favorite national theatrical prop. Suppose the Bible they hand you to swear on is upside down, or backward, or both, and you swear to tell the truth on an upside-down backward Bible. Would that count? Suppose the Bible they hand you is an old Bible and half the pages are missing. Suppose all they have is a Chinese Bible. In an American court. Or a Braille Bible, and you’re not blind. Suppose they hand you an upside-down, backward, Chinese, Braille Bible with half the pages missing. At what point does all of this stuff just break down and become just a lot of stupid shit that somebody made up? They fuckin’ made it up, folks, it’s make-believe! It’s make-believe […] Bible or no Bible, God or no God, if it suits their purposes, people are going to lie in court.”

“If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract…– Rhett”

“How could you fall in love with a three inch worm?”

“Sorry,ʺ she said, her face shining with joy when she saw me. ʺShould have put a sock on the door. Didnʹt realize things were getting hot and heavy.ʺʺNo avoiding it,ʺ I said lightly, clasping Dimitriʹs hand. ʺThings are always hot with him around.ʺDimitri looked scandalized. Heʹd never held back when we were in bed together, but his private nature wouldnʹt let him even hint about such matters to others. It was mean, but I laughed and kissed his cheek.ʺOh, this is going to be fun,ʺ I said. ʺNow that everythingʹs out in the open.ʺʺYeah,ʺ he said. ʺI got a pretty ‘funʹ look from your father the other day.”

“I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, “plots” or whatever.”

“Hit ain’t sacrilege. Miss Effie Belle says when she cain’t think what to have for dinner, she asts God and right off He gives her an idea. To my thinkin’, thet’s sacrilege.”Miss Love really laughed. “There’s not a woman in the world who hasn’t prayed what to cook for dinner, Rucker!”

“When I was in my single digits, I was subjected to the worst torture you can possibly inflict on a child: Catholic mass.”

“Catholics get on well with tyranny. It’s in the culture.”

“Wizards don’t believe in gods in the same way that most people don’t find it necessary to believe in, say, tables. They know they’re there, they know they’re there for a purpose, they’d probably agree that they have a place in a well-organised universe, but they wouldn’t see the point of believing, of going around saying “O great table, without whom we are as naught.” Anyway, either the gods are there whether you believe in them or not, or exist only as a function of the belief, so either way you might as well ignore the whole business and, as it were, eat off your knees.”

“But the main reason you should read this is that I don’t see why I should have to know all these terrible, terrible things and you should get off scot free.”

“Blake took a small roll from the tray on the table, then put it back in favor of a larger one. And maybe a little butter. It certainly couldn’t hurt. And jam…no, he drew the line at jam. She was a spy, after all.”