All Quotes By Tag: Humour

“If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract…– Rhett”

“You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?”“How does McDonald’s sound?”“Inadequate.”

“Jase props himself up on an elbow, looking at me for a minute without saying anything. His face gets an unreadable expression, and I wish I could take back walking over.Then he observes, “I’m guessing that’s a uniform.”Crap. I’d forgotten I was still wearing it.”

“When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each other.About Alex and Brittany.”

“A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, ‘suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now’!”

“When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality.”

“Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.”

“This is Sailor Supergirl,” George says. “She knows all about black holes.”

“While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all.”

“Fever jumped aside just in time to dodge the shower of urine, and stumbled into the path of a religious procession – celebrants in robes and pointed hats whirling and clapping and chanting the name of some old-world prophet, ‘Hari, Hari! Hari Potter!’”

“Augustus Waters was a self-aggrandizing bastard. But we forgive him. We forgive him not because he had a heart as figuratively good as his literal one sucked, or because he knew more about how to hold a cigarette than any nonsmoker in history, or because he got eighteen years when he should’ve gotten more.””Seventeen,” Gus corrected.”I’m assuming you’ve got some time, you interrupting bastard.”I’m telling you,” Isaac continued, “Augustus Waters talked so much that he’d interrupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious: Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production. And he was vain: I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness.”But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.” […]”And then, having made my rhetorical point, I will put my robot eyes on, because I mean, with robot eyes you can probably see through girls’ shirts and stuff. Augustus, my friend, Godspeed.”Augustus nodded for a while, his lips pursed, and then gave Isaac a thumbs-up. After he’d recovered his composure, he added, “I would cut the bit about seeing through girls’ shirts.”Isaac was still clinging to the lectern. He started to cry. He pressed his forehead down to the podium and I watched his shoulders shake, and then finally, he said, “Goddamn it, Augustus, editing your own eulogy.”

“Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.”

“All of life is a continuous state of wonder interrupted by bedtime and light snacks.”

“What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?” he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control.”For one thing, Djetth, he wasn’t trying to kill me!”(“Marsh”, heroine of Insufficient Mating Material)”

“I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.”