“If you want to be successful, you must learn to be loyal audience of your own self because in life difficult times will arrive, you will have no one to applaud you, no one but you!”

“But my way of writing is rather to think aloud, and follow my own humours, than much to consider who is listening to me; and, if I stop to consider what is proper to be said to this or that person, I shall soon come to doubt whether any part at all is proper.”

“Your audience is one single reader. I have found that sometimes it helps to pick out one person-a real person you know, or an imagined person-and write to that one.”

“The funny part of being funny is when you start seeing your fans writing funny words and attributing them to you.”

“Always mystify, torture, mislead, and surprise the audience as much as possible.”

“The best way to waste your life is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don’t participate. Let Big Brother do the singing and dancing for you. Be a reporter. Be a good witness. A grateful member of theaudience.”