All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.”

“I don’t like it when I outweigh my men.”

“V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.”

“One should always be in love. That’s the reason one should never marry.”

“Isn’t it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle–it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. It’s not an act of bitterness. It’s an act if self-preservation. It’s not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it?”

“Who knows how to make love stay?1. Tell love you are going to Junior’s Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if loves stays, it can have half. It will stay.2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a moustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.”

“Ronan said, “I’m always straight.”Adam replied “Oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.”

“I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?”

“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”

“I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this”, he begins. He doesn’t blush, and his eyes don’t dart away. Instead I find myself staring into a pair of oceans – one perfect, the other blemished by that tiny ripple. “You’re very attractive.”I’ve been complimented on my appearance before. But never in his tone of voice. Of all the things he’s said, I don’t know why this catches me off guard. But it startles me so much that without thinking I blurt out, “I could say the same about you.” I pause. “In case you didn’t know.”A slow grin spreads across his face. “Oh, trust me. I know.”

“He could totally be your boyfriend,” [Angel] went on with annoying persistance. “You guys could get married. I could be like a junior bridesmaid. Total could be your flower dog.””I’m only a kid!” I shrieked. “I can’t get married!””You could in New Hampshire.”My mouth dropped open. How does she know this stuff? “Forget it! No one’s getting married!” I hissed. “Not in New Hampshire or anywhere else! Not in a box, not with a fox! Now go to sleep, before I kill you!”

“Because I can’t help doing it,” he said with a shrug. “And hey, if I keep loving you, maybe you’ll eventually crack and love me too. Hell, I’m pretty sure you’re already half in love with me.””I am not! And everything you just said is ridiculous. That’s terrible logic.”Adrian returned to his crossword puzzle. “Well, you can think what you want, so long as you remember-no matter how ordinary things seem between us-I’m still here, still in love with you, and care about you more than any other guy, evil or otherwise, ever will.””I don’t think you’re evil.””See? Things are already looking promising.”

“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.”

“Life is worth living as long as there’s a laugh in it.”

“If you want some advice—which I’m sure you don’t—you guys should lay off on the magic. Christian still thinks you’re moving in on Lissa.””What?” he asked in mock astonishment. “Doesn’t he know my heart belongs to you?””It does not. And no, he’s still worried about it, despite what I’ve told him.””You know, I bet if we started making out right now, it would make him feel better.””If you touch me,” I said pleasantly, “I’ll provide you with the opportunity to see if you can heal yourself. Then we’d see how badass you really are.”