All Quotes By Tag: Comedy

“Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink.”

“It’s very difficult to appreciate when you’re doing it all the time in the business. The laughter means so much to people. I suppose at all times, but especially these days. It seems that life is more difficult. It has been for me, and God knows for Gilda. But I think for everyone, they’re looking for a little relief. I used to think, ‘Sure, to get relief, they get a laugh.’ But I didn’t know the laugh meant that much. Sometimes it’s the difference between going to sleep at night depressed and worried about how you’re going to make it; and going through with a little confidence that it will be okay, it will be okay. Cause laughing is good for you. It’s good for the liver. It’s for the soul. It’s good for your whole emotional equipment.”

“Never mind that. What’s going on with you and Heath?”Annabelle pulled a little wide-eyed innocence out of her rusty bag of college acting skills.”What do you mean? Business.””Don’t give me that. We’ve been friends too long.”She switched to a furrowed brow. “He’s my most important client. You know how much this means to me.”Molly wasn’t buying it. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. Like he was a slot machine with triple sevens tattooed on his forehead. If you fall in love with him, I swear I’ll never speak toyou again.” Annabelle nearly choked. She’d known Molly would be suspicious, but she hadn’t expected an outright confrontation. “Are you nuts? Setting aside the fact that he treats me like a flunky, I’d never fall for a workaholic after what I’ve had to go through with my family.” Falling in lust, however, was an entirely different matter.”He has a calculator for a heart,” Molly said. “I thought you liked him.”

“If you don’t want to tear off the clothes of the person you’re on a date with and jump into bed with them, then what’s the point? I’d never date; instead, I’d have lots of good friends and hug them a lot and life would be easier and neater and uncomplicated.”

“My whole life I though I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.”

“Cause if you shoot a bullet someone dies. If you drop a bomb many die. You hit a woman, love dies. But if you say the F-word… nothing actually happens.”

“(On his gravestone): “I told you I was ill”.”

“When I was in my single digits, I was subjected to the worst torture you can possibly inflict on a child: Catholic mass.”

“You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.”

“So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself? ~Eric Northman”

“A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, ‘suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now’!”

“And then to Leo’s surprise, Catherine smiled at him. A sweet, natural, brilliant smile, the first she had ever given him. Leo felt his chest tighten, and he went hot all over, as if some euphoric drug had gone straight to his nervous system.It felt like … happiness.He remembered happiness from a long time ago. He didn’t want to feel it. And yet the giddy warmth kept washing over him for no reason whatsoever.“Thank you,” Catherine said, the smile still hovering on her lips. “That is kind of you, my lord. But I will never dance with you.”Which, of course, made it the goal of Leo’s life.”

“Tsuyokini,honkiMutekini,sutekiGenki,yuuki!–Kusakabe Maron”

“Now, this is where I draw the line! It’s bad enough everybody in town’s going to be thinkin’ I’m sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she’s just about cornered the market on condoms-I don’t know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin’ a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?”

“I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it”