All Quotes By Tag: Humorous
“The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.”
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“It goes without saying that even those of us who are going to hell will get eternal life—if that territory really exists outside religious books and the minds of believers, that is. Having said that, given the choice, instead of being grilled until hell freezes over, the average sane human being would, needless to say, rather spend forever idling in an extremely fertile garden, next to a lamb or a chicken or a parrot, which they do not secretly want to eat, and a lion or a tiger or a crocodile, which does not secretly want to eat them.”
“It’s not what I’d want for at my funeral. When I die, I just want them to plant me somewhere warm. And then when the pretty women walk over my grave I would grab their ankles, like in that movie.”
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“Graham Chapman, co-author of the “Parrot Sketch”, is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He’s kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky. And I guess that we’re all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he’d achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he’d had enough fun. Well, I feel that I should say: nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries. And the reason I feel I should say this is he would never forgive me if I didn’t, if I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste. (He paused, then claimed that Chapman had whipered in his ear while he was writing the speech):All right, Cleese. You say you’re very proud of being the very first person ever to say ‘shit’ on British television. If this service is really for me, just for starters, I want you to become the first person ever at a British memorial service to say ‘fuck’.”
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“But unless we determine to take action,’ said the old man querulously, as if struggling against something deeply insouciant in his nature, ‘then we shall all be destroyed, we shall all die. Surely we care about that?’ ‘Not enough to want to get killed over it,’ said Ford.”
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“Looks to me like Felicity didn’t enjoy being mauled,” Daniel pointed out reasonably. When what he reasonably wanted to do, was shove Stuart’s head so far up his ass the next time he gargled he’d give himself a colonic. -Felicity Stripped Bare”
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“Listen. Just because we got a mutual hankering, doesn’t mean we have to act on it. Aside from the hankering, there isn’t much about you that I like. So far, you’ve been a pain in the behind. And I might as well tell you, I’ve followed through on one hankering and getting shot was more of an enjoyable experience. I didn’t like it.”
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“Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.”
“The workings of the male mind are twisted indeed.” Winnifred Crane”
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“You ever had a hickey? I want to give you a hickey.””Karl, we’re not fourteen!””Don’t bloody care. I was in love with you when I was fourteen — your neck owes me a hickey.”(Karl & Elena)”
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“I’m going to do something bigger and better,bigger and betterand bolder, but first,I’m going to do somethingsmaller and worse.”
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“She shook her head as she confessed, “I want it so much, I’m afraid to hope.” “Never be afraid to hope,” Rohan said gently. “It’s the only way to begin.” -Rohan to Win”
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“Just tell him to keep his hands to himself and his python in his pants.”
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