All Quotes By Tag: Humor
“I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.”
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“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.”
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“Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.”
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“Wikipedia is the first place I go when I’m looking for knowledge… or when I want to create some.”
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“Leo: I’m almost out of gas! Woah, that came out wrong. I meant the burning kind!”
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“Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.”
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“Was he a good kisser, Ms. Lane?” Barrons asked, watching me carefully.I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand at the memory. “It was like being owned.”Some women like that.”Not me.”Perhaps it depends on the man doing the owning.”I doubt it. I couldn’t breathe with him kissing me.”One day you may kiss a man you can’t breathe without, and find breath is of little consequence.”Right, and one day my prince might come.”I doubt he’ll be a prince, Ms. Lane. Men rarely are.”
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“If ur laptop doesnt smell like fire then ur losing.”
“Do you know where your breakthrough begins? Your breakthrough begins where your excuses ends.”
“Babe,” Ranger said. “You’re looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?”I’m on a sugar withdrawal. I’ve given up desert and it’s all I can think about.” That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn’t what I actually needed.Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts,” Ranger said.My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.”
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“It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.”
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“I am perfectly qualified to give you an injection. You’re not going to tell me you’re afraid of a little prick?””I wouldn’t call you that…”
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“In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?”
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“A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.”
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“And if humanity is the last war, then I am the battlefield.”
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