“It didn’t hurt me. Not “hurt”. Hurt is a four letter word. It’s short, almost cute sounding. Aawwww, did that hurt? No. It didn’t hurt. Destroyed, Obliterated, Desecrated, Annihilated, Demolished, Shattered, or Demoralised maybe… But no. It didn’t hurt me. It didn’t “hurt” me at all.”

“She wears it so beautifully doesn’t she, her pain… Always smiling, always positive…. always happy to help… It’s like a garment perfectly tailored to fit the way she carries it… with a touch of grace… and the quietness of that sad smile…. All so you’d never know how heavy it really was.”

“Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the person who would eventually be their lover if they let go of them.”

“We left dents on each other. Mine was in her heart, and hers was on my car.”

“No baby, you didn’t hurt me. You wrecked me. Know the difference.”

“We have already said more goodbyes than are necessary. Those were goodbyes that brought about the end of partings. We taught each other that no parting is possible.”

“Loving you was like jumping into the dark side of a pool, and drowning.”

“Well, in the meantime, Carter and I have been discussing the matter of Ryan.” This time it wasn’t the clang of a pan I heard, but instead a messy smack–the contact of Carter’s backhand with Dean’s head, I presumed. “Just hear me out. You have options. I have an Italian uncle. He’ll make sure Ryan is sleeping with the fishes by next week.””Dean!” Unable to repress my amusement, my eyes flew wide and my grin grew.”Either that, or we can go all Sweeney Todd on him and–“”Oh, will you stop?” My laughter was crippling. “There will be no calls to your uncle and no trip to the barber shop–please, leave Sweeney Todd out of it.”

“I KNEW IT WAS OVERwhen tonight you couldn’t make the phone ringwhen you used to make the sun risewhen trees used to throw themselvesin front of youto be paper for love lettersthat was how i knew i had to do itswaddle the kids we never hadagainst january’s cold slicebundle them in winterclothes they never neededso i could drop them off at my mom’seven though she lives on the other side of the countryand at this late west coast hour isassuredly east coast sleepingpeacefullyher house was lit like a candlethe way homes should bewarm and goldenand homeand the kids ran inand jumped at the bichon frisenamed luckythat she never hadthey hugged the dogit wriggledand the kids were happyyours and minethe ones we never hadand my mom wasgrand maternal, which is to say, with stylethat only comes when you’ve seenenough to know gracelike when to pretend it’s christmas ora birthday soshe lit her voice with tinylights and pretendedshe didn’t see me cryingas i drove awayto the hotel connected to the barwhere i ordered the cheapest whisky they hadjust because it shares your first namebecause they don’t make a whiskycalled babyand i only thought what i gotwas whati orderedi toasted the hangoverinevitable as sunthat used to risein your namei toasted the carnivalswe never went toand the things you never wonfor methe ferris wheels we neverkissed on and all the dreamsbetween usthat sat therelike balloons on a carney’s boardwaiting to explode with passionbut slowly deflatedhung slaveunder the pin-prick of a tackhungheads downlike loverswhen it doesn’twork, like meat last callafter too many cheaptoo many sweettoo muchwhisky makes mesick, like the smell of cheap,like the smell ofthe deadlike the cheap, dead flowersyou never sentthat i never threwout of the windowof a cari neverreallyowned”

“This morning, I woke up different.I accepted that life goes on… I might still love you, I might still miss you, but I’m better off without you. So, I’m closing this chapter of hurt because I deserve to be happy. And the only way I’ll reach that is by letting go of toxic people who don’t want to see me grow. Holding on doesn’t make me strong, but letting go does.”

“Sometimes we must undergo hardships, breakups, and narcissistic wounds, which shatter the flattering image that we had of ourselves, in order to discover two truths: that we are not who we thought we were; and that the loss of a cherished pleasure is not necessarily the loss of true happiness and well-being. (109)”