All Quotes By Tag: Gnome
“Unless they are off duty, no matter how wide it is, and even when it is sincere, a smile seems fake if the job description of the person who is smiling includes smiling.”
“Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.”
“An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell.”
“One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.”
“Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.”
“The kind of lies that someone tells us gives us an idea of how stupid, knowledgeable, intelligent, or ignorant they are … or they think we are.”
“When in court, the primary role of lawyers is not to prove or disprove innocence; unbeknown to almost all lawyers and their clients, it is to save the court time.”
“We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months than we are loved by some of those who contact us every twelve or so days … or hours.”
“Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.”
“We all have problems. Or rather, everyone has at least one thing that they regard as a problem.”
“The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.”
“More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud.”
“Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.”
“For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.”
“A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.”